So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
