bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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