I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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