I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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