I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
