So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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