On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
