Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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