Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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