very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
