So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
