i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
