Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
