Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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