She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
