the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
