Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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