i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
