Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize