Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
