I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
