She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
