He had one of those small greek statue penises
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
