you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
