how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
