shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
