I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
