Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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