Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
