the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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