OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
