No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
