he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
