How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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