sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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