put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
