Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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