yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
