we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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