hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
