walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
