I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
