i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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