Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize