we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
