I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
