we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
