OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
