just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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