Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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