I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
