Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
