I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize