Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
