apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
