I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize