I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
