Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
