I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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