I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
