I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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