Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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