Jerry, you need to find god
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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