Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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