Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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