That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
