you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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