who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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